Want to be more like Jesus and less like the Israelites

Lord,
Thank you for Your Word and how it speaks to me through your Holy Spirit. Your Word is living and active, sharper then any two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Heb. 4:12). You have proven Yourself faithful to me over and over again yet I look and act more like the Israelites then your Son. As much as Your discipline hurts I am thankful for it because I know Heb. 12:10 tells me it is for my good so that I can share in Your holiness. Lord forgive me for my unbelief. You have led me out of a bad situation. You have given me glimpses of refreshment and rest like you did for the Israelites at Kadesh Barnea. You have worked upstream for me and was already working things out even though I could not see it with my physical eyes like you did for the Israelites at Adam when they crossed over the Jordan. (Joshua 3). But so often, in fact more often the not, I find myself wallowing aground in Meribah and Massah (Ex. 17:1-7) grumbling against You because in a particular moment I don't see a way out. You have proven Yourself true to me over and over and over. You have shown me that indeed You do make all things new. Lord I beg of You to grow my faith- grow my belief. I don't want to doubt or question You just because my world does not align the way I think it should at any given moment. Give me more of You Jesus and so much less of me. My heart is deceitful above all things Lord and can not be trusted but You CAN. May I fix my eyes on You Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before You endured the cross, despising the shame, and set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb. 12:2). You are able Lord to turn this crazy woman who falters around in unbelief into a mighty warrior of Your Word. Because of Your work on the cross I come boldly to Your throne and approach it with confidence to receive mercy and find grace. (Heb. 4:16).